Or: Even If You Were Joking, Restraining Order Humor is Never As Funny As You Think.

( It starts at the gun counter. It always starts at the gun counter. )

tl;dr: Customer talks about wanting to shoot "bad people" who would "do things," follows it up by telling the cashier the thrilling story of his restraining order. Store employees huddle up on way out of building and spend five minutes outside "jokingly" checking each others' cars for stray homicidal maniacs before finally feeling safe enough to drive away.

used cd/dvd/game store.


Dear Customers,
I don't force you to take the price I offer. You don't have to sell me your stuff. You could say, no thank you, and be on your way. So please stop acting like I am murdering your grandma in front of you when you say "FINE WHATEVER JUST GIVE ME THE MONEY". And I would *really* like it if you didn't do any of the following:
1.) Throw your money at me and demand your stuff back an hour later
2.) Explain how I'm stealing from you because I can totally control pricing
3.) call me and my co-worker 'fucking faggots'
4.) say you will call the cops on us. because you decided to sell things. and agreed on the price. and we handed you the money. and you left for a while.

AaaaRGH

Long-time lurker, first-time poster (I think; either that or it's been a really long time since I've posted). Warning: It's quite long.

( Fabrics and deli meats. Mmmmm... )

WTF from the girl who hangs out with the octopus, the penguins, the cuttlefish, the freshwater sting rays, the sea urchins, the giant sea bass, the flat fish, the moray eels, and many other animals.

I'm feeding some krill to the hermit crab at the touch tide pools. He's got his own little tank, which he shares with some California mussels.

( Cut for a slow-witted patron and a very happy hermit crab )

Long time lurker, first time poster, so bear with me if anything's wrong :P

I work at a pizza place that has better ingredients, so therefore, better pizza. It's not a suck up, it's just our motto. :D Anyway, I was a delivery driver and then moved inside and after being in both positions, I've come up with a few WTF's and sucks that happen on a regular basis and a few isolated incidences.

( Z28 Cameros and the men that love them )

I have more (from working at said pizza shop and others) but this is long enough :P

Quick Edit: The sub shop doesn't have meat, cheese ect. out, just the jars of peppers on the display. No health code violations or anything...:P

Current Mood: sore

Okay, so. Santa has on his website a certain list of private blocks. This mean he either has a private party, or he's taking the day off.

Last year, his only true day off was Thanksgiving. And because of the running around like a maniac and working allll day, he got very sick around New Years. Not fun.

So no, the day you want is not free. It's not even one of the private blocks. He has three gigs there, and has to work his regular job before them!

No, the next day is not free.

....No, there is no availability on the 24th of December. He's got 7 gigs that day, and he won't get home until AT LEAST 9pm. Santa does have a life too you know.

No, he cannot come out on Christmas. No. He does not work on Christmas. No. He will not come to your house on Christmas.

Don't huff at me. Yes, I realize there are two hours between one gig and another on Christmas Eve, but um.. travel time? EATING TIME? I'm under orders to tell people that he is booked for the season. He is not taking any more.

Yes, I can give you his cell phone number. Yes, he may be able to help you find another Santa.

No, he cannot come out on Christmas. Do not whine at me. I actually made that rule because two years ago, he went to four gigs on Christmas. If I am not allowed to work on Christmas, neither is he. It's a family day.

(Backstory on that: I work at the pharmacy that never closes, ever. Parents get huffy if I don't get Christmas day off to spend with them.)

Oh you still want Christmas? Well, I'm sorry, you won't get it. And you can't have Christmas Eve either!!

You know when people tell you to book your entertainment early? Well, that goes for Santa. One month for Santa is NOT early. Would you book a band a month in advance for a wedding?

You probably would.. I guess I'm paranoid and would have been looking into it months before... But guess what? Most of those people on Christmas Eve, they booked almost A YEAR in advance! So no, I won't just "squeeze you in".

And stop asking to talk to Santa. It's 8am. I told you he's at work. He does have a day job. No, you can't call him there. Yes, you can call his cell phone, but make note I will be calling him on his break and telling him what a huffy pain in the ass you are for not taking no for an answer and acting like I'm ruining Christmas by not letting my father run ragged.

Dear Sir.

Yes, I know it's annoying that the Jewish Federation Community Library has moved. However you still have to come to the library to pick out the video you want and check it out. We cannot deliver it to you. I'm sorry that it's now a twenty five mile drive in LA traffic instead of just across the street from you. We still don't deliver. And the fact that you check it out for your class every semester still doesn't change the fact that we don't deliver. Complaining about how it was a stupid decision to merge the libraries still doesn't change that fact.

Thank you and good day.

my favourite thing is when library users (usually over 35), type in their e-mail addresses into the address bar and then get angry because their "e-mail doesn't work!!!!!" or they expect you to tell them their password.

but my top pick is the incessant amount of customers who repeat the same scenario:
"Your accent is very interesting. Where are you from? Your English is very guuuud". Or when they try to hit on you by falling to stereotypes like "I love Slavic women. They are so fragile and just want to be defended." (WHAT?)

Am I being too sensitive? Perhaps. It just makes me feel a bit like a freak every time they point out the accent thing.

This is an oldie, but a goodie. Back in '01, I was working the main campus switchboard for UW-Milwaukee. One day, I got this call from an ambulance driver:

Me: UWM?
Her: Hello, I am an ambulance driver, and I picked up a student from Curtin Hall today. I need the phone number for that building.
Me: Well, we don't have phone numbers for buildings, because they don't have front desks. I guess I could give you a department in Curtin Hall, if you think that would help.
Her: I guess...
Me: It's a language building, so..um.. how about Spanish?
Her: *amused, you're-so-ignorant-chuckle* Ah... I don't think this student would be taking Spanish classes.
Me: ....Why?
Her: His last name is Xang.
Me: *incredulous* Um... Linguistics?

Current Mood: amused

One small moment from today, kind of a mixture between a suck and a WTF. I should mention that the customer was a fairly recognisable comedian from Australian television, but that doesn't matter very much in the grand scheme of customer-suckiness.

( LOL? )